Woman Wonders If Boyfriend Is Choosing Imaginary Plans Over Her

A woman seeks support from the Reddit community following growing frustration that her boyfriend was prioritizing plans he never followed through with over their relationship.

The 18-year-old shared that she’s been dating her 19-year-old boyfriend for over a year and was struggling to understand why he continued to distance himself under the guise of wanting to be more social.

“He is in [his] first year of college (isn’t going back next year but is continuing at university) and is a five minute drive from my house and his house is a 30 minute drive away,” she explained. His parents, she said, were “pedantic about him making the most of college and being social,” and since he only had one month left, he told her he wanted to make the most of it.

Despite his insistence that he wanted to focus on his social life, the poster said his actions didn’t match his words. “He feels he hasn’t made that many friends and he isn’t sure why,” she wrote, adding that he mostly studied alone in his room and “sometimes takes his food back to his room.”

The woman said she even encouraged him to reach out to people more and try to plan something casual. “I feel bad and told him he should organize an ice cream trip or should just go chat with some of them randomly,” she admitted. But despite her encouragement, he continued to wait for others to initiate plans.

When her boyfriend suggested they limit their time together so he could focus on socializing, she tried to be understanding. “He said since it’s his last month and he wants to spend more time with everyone, he’d like me to only come by twice a week to stay the night,” she recalled. “I’m fine with this, but literally nothing has changed with how he’s socializing.”

According to her post, he continued to keep to himself and only interacted with friends during meals or scheduled college events. “He would see his friends at lunch or dinner and college events, but for example if he saw on Instagram that they were having a picnic on the college lawn, he wouldn’t join them,” she said. His hesitation to take the initiative left her questioning whether his reasoning for seeing her less often was genuine.

Their conversations about spending time together began to highlight a growing disconnect. Though he’d asked to change their hangouts to be primarily during the day, leaving the evenings free for possible plans, she thought the request was odd.

“He said he’s more likely to spend time with [his friends] in the afternoon or at night,” she recalled. “THE THING IS, he doesn’t spend time with them [aside] from lunch or dinner. He literally has never even talked to anyone past dinner.” Her frustration grew as she realized his behavior was starting to feel less about socializing and more about avoiding accountability.

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“I’m starting to get annoyed,” she admitted in her post. “It’s like when you’re procrastinating and you’re free all day but don’t end up studying. That’s how he’s acting.” To her, it felt like he was creating space for friendships that never happened, while their relationship suffered in the process.

One Reddit commenter seemed to capture the situation perfectly. “It sounds like he’s saying what he thinks he should be doing (spending time with friends, being social), but he’s not actually following through,” they wrote. The commenter added that it can be “really frustrating when it ends up affecting your time together too,” and reassured the poster that she wasn’t wrong for feeling upset.

Another user offered a more cautious perspective, suggesting she give it some time. “NTA for feeling that way,” they wrote. “See how he acts in a month when he is out of school. If he still makes excuses for not seeing you very often, then he might be trying to tell you something.”