You don’t need a last name like Bridgerton to feel like royalty this Valentine’s Day. If you want to be treated like a queen in the bedroom — and I mean, eagerly and utterly devoured by your partner — it starts by hosting your very own “queen night.”
As the name implies, a queen night is an experience devoted entirely to you and your pleasure: You set the pace, decide the moves, and simply let yourself receive. Though Valentine’s Day is often sold as a holiday dedicated to celebrating the love between both partners, a queen night puts the focus on one person. Why? Because for many women, it can make sex that much more enjoyable.
“Many people find it hard to be present during sexual activity because they’re focused on pleasing their partner or being good enough for someone else,” sex expert Nicole Moore says. “A queen night is a great opportunity for the receiving partner to focus on the sensations in their own body, since they’re not focused on pleasing someone else.”
By removing the pressure and allowing yourself to fully receive, you, my queen, can finally let your body feel what it’s supposed to feel during sex. And if that doesn’t sound like the best gift for Valentine’s Day, I don’t know what does. Below, Moore explains how to host the perfect queen night.
Experts Featured in This Article
Nicole Moore is a relationship therapist and founder of the Love Works Method, a program that has helped people find lasting love fast.
What Is a Queen Night?
A queen night is all about catering to one partner’s preferences and fantasies. “It’s a romantic ritual where couples spend a night focused solely on one partner’s pleasure,” Moore explains. “One partner gets to practice fully immersing themselves in pleasing their partner while the other partner gets to practice fully receiving pleasure.” (Though it’s called a “queen night,” know that this term is completely gender neutral regardless of how you identify. If you prefer, you can use “king night” or “royalty night” instead.)
Of course, there are many benefits to hosting a queen night, but the main one is that it helps one partner learn how to receive. “The purpose is to expand your capacity to receive pleasure and to be present and in your body during intimacy,” Moore adds.
“The purpose is to expand your capacity to receive pleasure”
During sex, people may sometimes focus and prioritize their partner’s pleasure over their own. But during a queen night, you don’t have to worry about reciprocating, whether your partner is enjoying themselves, or if you are taking too long to orgasm. “For some people, sex often feels transactional or like they’re going through the motions,” Moore says. “A queen night is their chance to experience what sex and intimacy is like when there’s no expectations and only receiving.”
How to Host the Perfect Queen Night
Hosting a queen night for your partner is a great way to love on them. “It shows them that you’re paying attention to their needs and that your giving to them is not conditional,” Moore says. Here’s how to actually pull it off so it feels intentional.
Start with a conversation. Tell your partner you want to host a queen night for them. Ask them if there are any fantasies, sex toys, kinks, or sex positions they’d like to try. If there’s nothing new they want to try, ask them how and what they would like to receive. “A great way to set the mood is to have the receiving partner write a desires list of how they want to feel, any words they want to hear, and any ways they’d like to receive pleasure,” Moore adds.
Set the scene. When it’s time to have your queen night, make it about more than sex. Clean the sheets, create a sex playlist with their favorite songs, cook their favorite dinner beforehand, and adjust the lighting. “One of the best ways to set the mood for a king or queen night is to make the night about more than just sex,” Moore says.
Take your time. Once the scene has been set, it’s time for your partner’s queen night. Let things unfold slowly, and stay present by communicating with your partner as the sex happens. Remind your partner that there’s no rush or pressure to orgasm and that you just want them to feel good.
Indulge in aftercare. When your partner is satiated, it’s time to indulge in their favorite forms of aftercare: cuddling, watching TV, going on a walk, cooking food, ordering food, etc. Remind your partner that there’s no need for a follow-up performance. Talk about how your partner felt, what they enjoyed, and what they’d like for next time. “The concept of receiving can often be a triggering one,” Moore says. “Don’t be surprised if deep emotions or tears come up at some point during the queen night — even if they’re tears of joy.”
Though queen nights are great ways to connect with your partner, they’re not something you have to schedule every week. Regardless of how often you have them, look at them as a reset for your sex life — a reminder that you’re allowed to enjoy sex without worrying about reciprocating or being fair. Even the women of “Bridgerton” would likely agree that the most powerful people in the room are the ones who know how to receive (. . . and what a pinnacle feels like).
Taylor Andrews is the senior balance editor at Popsugar, specializing in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With eight years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Prior to joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.
