A woman is speaking candidly about why she is choosing less-than-traditional wedding plans.
In a post on the U.K.-based forum Mumsnet, the woman first opened up about her relationship and why she and her partner decided together to forgo “proper” nuptials.
“We’ve been together so long, own a house together, two kids, etc, that [getting married] is more of a formality than a great declaration that we plan to spend the rest of our lives together,” she began.
Then explaining that the pair “are getting married in a registry office next week, just us two,” the woman continued, “We haven’t announced this to anyone.”
Instead, because she and her partner don’t want to do a traditional wedding, the woman wrote that they are considering throwing a massive party after the fact to celebrate with their loved ones.
“It wouldn’t be a fancy dress-up affair — maybe more like a big birthday party,” she detailed. “Obviously it’s a very loose idea in our minds still, so no details, but we’d try our best to make it a fun, well-catered party. Kids very much invited.”
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The woman added that if she and her partner didn’t have a big party, they probably wouldn’t bring up that they’ve made their relationship “official” to people at all, given the nature of their long-term partnership.
She also said the reasoning for the party wouldn’t be to get presents either, as they would not be “expected.”
“[The party is just] to get rid of the ‘secrecy’ and to hopefully have a good day with friends and family without the performance elements of an actual wedding,” she concluded.
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In the comments section, many users were on board with the woman’s idea.
“You’re saying I’m invited to a ‘fun, well-catered party’ to celebrate the happy occasion of someone I love, along with lots of other people I care about, and that I don’t have to buy a wedding present, sit through a boring ceremony or a stilted meal, buy and wear expensive, uncomfortable clothes, or organize childcare? Nah, why would I come to that?” one person teased.
Other commentators told the woman that these types of parties are more and more common, especially for people who have family and friends scattered all over the world.
In response, the woman said, “My family doesn’t live in the same country, so we can’t ask them to just pop over for 20 minutes at 10 a.m. on a Thursday. And once you start inviting parents and siblings, you’ve basically got yourself a wedding, which is what we don’t want.”
Doubling down on her and her partner’s decision, the woman added, “It’s more the performance and the formality we don’t want. We don’t want to dress up, and we don’t want everyone looking at us and making speeches about us.”
She continued, “I know you can do weddings in your own way, but it would be hard to avoid this completely, and people have certain expectations about weddings.”
